10 Obstacles to Effective Communication
Effective communication is the prerequisite to collaboration, which is literally the only thing that can save our species, and many others from the path to extinction. Its obvious lack is often the reason behind a person's introversion. If we can all learn to communicate effectively, we can both teach others more and learn more. We must overcome this hurdle so that we can collaborate on a larger scale and address our world's current problems in the most effective ways possible. On that note, I present to you 10 Obstacles to Effective Communication.
1)Listening to Respond
Unfortunately, many people listen only to respond. This is essential, yet we must first truly listen in order to respond in a way that will add to the conversation, not go off on a related tangent. Perhaps keeping a notebook would be handy here, so one could remember the related tangent and come back to it. I am guilty of this at times.
2)Unhealthy Ego
To me, a healthy ego is having a true sense of one's abilities, yet keeping a sense of humility. It's embracing one's humanity, knowing that you are imperfect, and may be wrong at times but loving yourself anyway, and possessing the ability to correct any illusions one might have. Without a healthy ego, an effective conversation about things that truly matter is nearly impossible, and meaningful relationships are rare and full of unecessary conflict. Someone with a healthy ego will never get angry when the other person proves them wrong, or says they're wrong, they will only seek to understand the truth, and that understanding will always be evolving. Be warned, others may still percieve you as egotistical, especially if you're confident in your abilities, but most often it is a projection, due to their insecurities, and/or their own egotism.
3)Insecurity
Insecurity is one of the leading causes of misunderstandings. Insecurity is usually accompanied by the need to always appear perfect. Any undermining of that facade will often lead to the insecure person going into a tirade. This is partially due to society's tendency to ridicule people who are perceived wrong and label them as stupid; a part of the bullying mob mentality. This needs to stop. The only thing stupid is the bullying behavior. Every single person on this planet is wrong at times. We all have moments of stupidity. Even those with high IQ's are not immune to bending down to reach something and bumping their heads, as we are all blind to different things according to what we are focused on.
How can we help fight this? Do not participate in ridiculing others for mistakes or negative gossip. This behavior is truly stupid. When you are wrong, own up to it and apologize when needed. Always make sure children know this. The most important way to fight insecurity is to truly know yourself and break any illusions you may have, for they cause you pain and insecurity.
4)Projection
In psychological terms, according to Wikipedia, projection is when people "defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shaming." I believe almost all of us are guilty of this, as our own mental state is the only thing we have to go by when attempting to understand others. Many of the lessons I have learned about everything came from me possessing these qualities myself at one time, and they may even still come up from time to time, as I am not perfect.
We shame others for doing things we ourselves are ashamed of having done, or are doing, yet denying. We must really stop trying to judge people, because people are very complex creatures. We must instead judge acts individually, yet continually encourage the growth of every person, and instill in everyone the infinite quest for the truth. Only then will we see clearly, and that will improve communication among everyone.
5)Emotional Turmoil
Emotional turmoil is our brain's way of telling us something is being repressed or something has not been processed completely or in a healthy way. This often results in inappropriate outbursts of anger or sadness at related words, ideas, or anything that reminds you of the trauma. This has even pervaded our culture, in the form of "trigger warnings." At times, they may be simply warning people of the portrayal or feature of violence or profanity within an article or film, which many people really don't like to see, myself being one of them, being an empath.
The emotional turmoil I am talking about specifically here are those resulting from violence, rape, lover's cheating, and other traumatic events. Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not telling you your feelings are invalid, believe me, I have lived through some of these traumas myself. I am simply trying to convey to you that these things will always deeply bother you, and even disrupt your life, if you do not come to terms with them. In order to do that, you must accept that the person responsible for the trauma was wrong, and that it has no reflection of you as a person, and forgive them. If it was an accident, one must accept that it was an accident, even if it was due to a personal error, and that you can't go back no matter how badly you may want to, and forgive yourself. Forgiving doesn't mean releasing the person's responsibility for the event, it is more about finding peace within. The event will likely always bother you in some way, but this is the only way to find release from continually reliving the stress of what happened, and it will help you interact with others better. I am speaking from personal experience here(and on most psychological topics).
Other reasons for emotional turmoil may be denial of something within or something you've done, or repression of feelings you need to express towards others regarding how they treat you, or how you feel. These things will keep popping up if they are not dealt with and looked at honestly and realistically. It's really not fair to lash out at others because we haven't properly processed things. It's not a part of who you are, it is a part of what you must overcome to be at peace with yourself and to cut away the parts of you that are taking away from the person you truly are. This will only improve your relationships with others.
6)Deception
Deception, both within oneself and from other sources, is a major obstacle to effective communication. One can't possibly have a productive conversation while being decieved, because if they believe they're correct, they will most often keep arguing until proven wrong, and sometimes even continue to argue after that just to preserve their sense of dignity. Inner deception comes from denial of feelings or truths, which can only be overcome by accepting them. This can be difficult, but is easier dealt with than deception from other sources.
There are many deceptions that are deeply embedded within our culture, even popularly accepted. To overcome these deceptions, one must accept that since all that they know has come from other humans, it is prone to error. Everything must be subject to cross examination. We need to be able to learn, unlearn and relearn. We must always seek the truth, what is right, and what is the most efficient way to do things, which is always evolving as we come to ever deeper understandings.
We must never place people on pedestals or believe that they are always right, because we know that they are people, and prone to error. The same is true of books, as they were written by people, and machines, as they were built by people. By cutting through deception, we will vastly improve communication.
7)Conformity
Conformity- a concept that society itself revolves upon; but is it wise? In some ways, one could say yes... Most people don't stab themselves, so you probably shouldn't do this... But the reasoning behind it is not truly because most people don't do it, it's because it hurts you and you could die... What most people do or don't do should never be anyone's reasoning for doing or not doing something. Humanity has always only evolved and overcome problems by doing something differently, or trying something new. The definition of insanity is doing something the same way over and over and expecting different results. If we always do things like everyone else is doing them, we will never evolve or overcome our problems. It has only ever been those who try new things and think differently that change the world. Popularity of opinion does not mean validity of opinion. Validation should not be something we so vehemently seek out to feel better, though it is something deeply embedded in our nature. We must accept that sometimes the right thing to do is not the popular thing to do.
I don't feel like I have a lot of support from people in the things I write, yet I persevere, as I am writing to resolve the problems in the world, and make it a better place for my children, all my loved ones, and posterity; a selfless devotion of my time and life, yet one whose payout is potentially higher than all the money in the world combined: a beautiful future. Some may think it's so egotistical to declare this, or to dare to think that I am important enough to have some effect on the future. The truth is, we are all extremely important to the future and every action or inaction we do will have infinite effects on the future. The illusion here is the belief that one's actions aren't significant, or that they are powerless. Conformity is never something one should be proud of or cling to, we need to instead embrace our unique qualities and run with them. Only then can we each contribute in our own unique ways towards the future we all want- a future of peace and prosperity for all. (Sorry for the tangent, lol.)
The only thing we should conform to is truth. We must never make the mistake of conforming to other people, because, as I mentioned before, people are too complex to accept or deny completely as always right or wrong.
8)Lack of Clarification
Lack of clarification is something we all have problems with at times. We are all at different points in our learning, we all have different levels of concentration, and we all understand and learn things differently. We must never be afraid of telling another person we don't understand, and on the other hand, we must always be willing to find new ways to explain things so that others can understand. It may be frustrating at times, but the reward is high: true understanding and real, meaningful conversation.
9)Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance, according to Wikipedia, is "the mental stress (discomfort) experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values; when performing an action that contradicts existing beliefs, ideas, or values; or when confronted with new information that contradicts existing beliefs, ideas and values." This is a very stressful state, and often carries with it emotions and stress from the expectations of family and peers, yet in spite of all that, one must value first and foremost the truth, no matter who it disappoints or contradicts. This will only make communication easier, and will make it exponentially easier to discover new things and develop a deeper understanding of everything.
10)Lack of an Open Mind
An open mind is the single most important factor of effective communication. One must always keep an open mind, and understand that at any time, our understanding of reality could evolve to prove any belief we may hold wrong. Its okay. What's not okay is holding onto ideas that have outgrown their usefulness and validity. I had a conversation with a gentleman online the other day who said that I was wrong to wonder if something was possible because it could be possible, and stated that I must use the scientific method to prove my idle musing right. I was simply saying it was possible.
Truth is no less true when unproven by the scientific method. I actually tend to believe that all things are possible in some way, and that many things are possible to do in many different ways. I have had to change my understanding of the truth so many times now that I tend to look for how something could be possible instead of trying to prove it to be impossible. We all need to accept that everyone thinks differently and does things differently, and different never inherently means wrong. It is so very important to keep an open mind, because a closed mind is closed to new possibilities. Communication will only be ideal with open minds.
Do you have any questions, suggestions for future posts, or ideas? Post them in the comments, and get a discussion started. Feel free to share with your friends or in like minded groups on social media, and like us on Facebook. Subscribe to my e-mail list to be the first to know about new posts. If you enjoyed this article, I also encourage you to read more of my posts. As always, I appreciate each of you who take the time to read my work, and sincerely thank each and every one who is working towards a better future.
Infinite Love, -Serendellion
