How To Get Over Your Own Bullshit: A Tangent
How to Get Over Your Own Bullshit: A Tangent
Being someone who has been striving to become my best version from a young age on, I realized that I had many false perceptions about myself and the world that I had to painstakingly overcome. Some of these were perceptions I barely even realized I had, they were such an intricate part of me. Seeing examples of adults who acted like toddlers at times, and finding it quite ridiculous, it became a priority for me. I knew from a young age I wanted children and I would never want to subject them, or my friends, to the confusion and pain that I was subjected to. There are many different things we may believe that are illusion. Society and our family conditions us from a young age to hold certain beliefs unshakably. These can be so carefully interwoven into our own perception of ourselves that they are indiscernable. So, to truly see things as they are, it's best to start from scratch. Imagine you are an observer, observing yourself and how you interact with others, and vice-versa. This may take some practice. It can be very hard to separate your mind from your perception of yourself, but it is possible. One must have the intention from the getgo to find the truth, to see things as they really are, and not how we believe them to be. Sometimes this can be painful, but it is necessary to find your true self. Meditate on this every day. Things will slowly present themselves to you, things which you were previously unaware, as you may have been doing it subconsciously and/or emotionally. Write these things down, or if you have a good memory, keep them in mind.
Where do you start?
A good place to start is to look for your triggers. If something causes you to react emotionally and/or seemingly ridiculously to an outside observer, there is a deeper issue related to it within you that you must overcome. Sometimes it's a lie you tell yourself. Sometimes it is something that mimics a horrible behavior you were subjected to repeatedly. The important thing is to find it, and separate it from the issue at hand, unless it is something that is truly serving you well. For example, if you crashed a car into a tree because you were driving drunk, so you don't drive drunk anymore, that serves you well. However, if you were repeatedly told, literally, or implied, you were worthless or ugly, and have low self esteem resulting from the behavior, this is something necessary to let go. The person subjecting you to that behavior likely felt threatened by your beauty or your accomplishments or your personality, or may have been projecting on you how they feel about themselves, to make themselves look better and to keep you unsure of yourself, therefore ensuring your lack of accomplishments in the future. There is nothing wrong with you. Your beauty, worth and accomplishments are 100% decided by you and you alone. Your success is directly related to your determination, tenacity, confidence in your abilities, and inner security. A person can abuse you or mistreat you, purposely, or accidentally (Because remember, most people are struggling with inner illusions themselves, as most are unaware of the true need to introspect.) for so long that these things become strongly held beliefs. Beauty is a result of a healthy self-care and mindset. Absolutely everyone is beautiful, especially after they find their true self.
Look for the behaviors and emotions that you dislike.
If you do something you are ashamed of, or have a habit you dislike, it's likely because that behavior is not in alignment with your true self. The emotional, primitive functions of the brain take over when you are not in control, which can lead you astray from the evolution of your true self. You can most certainly overcome this habit. It is completely up to you. Your input will determine the output. The feeling of overcoming these things is one of the most wonderful feelings you will experience. One of the things I personally overcame was smoking, which was quite hard for me, and took several tries, but well worth it. One of the things I am still working on is reacting emotionally to a behavior I have repeatedly experienced throughout my life: Gaslighting. People who do this to me have to experience the anger at them, plus the anger at my mother, for doing this to me my entire life, which is obviously immense. These explosions of anger at lifelong gaslighting are used to the abuser's advantage. They are happy to see them because it makes you look like the crazy one, when in fact, it is them. You are reacting reasonably to an unreasonable, and even evil, continued behavior. No matter how good of a person you are, and especially if you are a good person, you will react this way. The behavior is completely unacceptable. Why is this person doing this? They are trying to uphold a self-perception and/or a public perception of perfection of themselves, while making you look bad in the process. It's perfection by contrast, and generally easily done, as a person who experiences this type of abuse will tend to be more private, spending most of their time at home, as their abuser has created a chaotic public environment for them with their games.
Sometimes your unwanted behavior is the result of an abuser.
If you're unfamiliar with gaslighting, as defined by Wikipedia, it is "a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief." Examples of this behavior include denial of doing or saying something the person truly did, contradicting everything you say, purposely misguiding you, and discrediting you to others, especially while boosting the offender's status in the process. This behavior comes from people who are either holding deep illusions about themselves, or people that are aware of these things, yet unwilling to change, as it would mean admitting to the horrible behavior they have and reforming themselves, which would take a lot of work. It is never about you. It's always within the unhealthy mental state of the person. We all must become deeply aware that the primitive part of the human brain will delude itself when allowed unchecked lead over a person.
There will be painful emotions you must face attached with some of these illusions. The only way to overcome them is to process them and understand them fully. Saving them for later will only cause further pain and problems. To process them fully, you must fully examine them and find the root of the problem. Sometimes it may be an event, other times it may be a person's behavior towards you that makes you believe something false or cruel about yourself, or makes you apologize prolificly. Sometimes the best thing for you is to let go of unhealthy people, no matter who they are to you.
The people who do these things to you may sincerely apologize for doing these things to you, or they may completely deny them, as they don't fit in with their deeply held self-delusions. They may also apologize for show, then repeat the offending behavior. The best route is to try to make them aware, and if after repeatedly trying to do so, and repeatedly being met with adversity and victim blaming, it is best to leave them behind, no matter who they are to you. People like this famously will say it's your fault for "starting an argument" when trying to discuss how they make you feel. In reality, an argument should never ensue when you try to tell them how they make you feel. They make it about them and perceive the preservation of their illusion of self as more important than your feelings. It is not healthy to allow these people, who are unwilling to change, in your life. It hurts you to do so, and as sad as it may seem, even if it is your own mother, you must let them go. Society may look down on you, as we are all brainwashed to honor our parents and never let go of family. But sometimes there is no other way for your sanity. The person will likely go on a smear campaign and slander you to everyone, especially the rest of your family, who the person has made sure to look like a saint in front of, while being horrible to you behind closed doors, always mistreating you shadily, while publicly giving you gifts, bragging of helping others, and volunteering. Their image is the most important thing to them, not their mental health, or their growth, or the well-being of their family. So if your other family looks down on you because of said smear campaign, (and they will likely dismiss anything you say to stick up for yourself, as the person has already conditioned them to think you are the bad one.) you will unfortunately need to let them go too, as they are already in the abuser's thrall. One day they may become aware of the abuser's horrible behavior towards you, or they may never become aware. The only thing that matters is that you got yourself out of the unhealthy situation. How others see you is not always how things are, just as how you see yourself is not always as you are, especially when conditioned to hate yourself as a young child.
Recovery
The best way to recover from exposure to this kind of person is to take great care of yourself. Respect yourself. Eat healthy, delicious foods. Dress well. Do something active you enjoy. Put your all into all the things you love to do, and be the best you can be. Be yourself unapologetically, and become secure with yourself. Love yourself. It isn't narcissistic to love yourself, in spite of what you've been told. Believing that may have even made you afraid to love yourself, as I was. In reality, loving yourself is the best thing you can do for the world. This doesn't mean being conceited; that isn't truly loving yourself. Conceitedness is always connected to illusions, which is why it is negative. Truly loving yourself is being honest, introspective, respecting yourself, and giving yourself what you need to thrive. Without the mental stress of having the presence of this person's insane mentality in your life, a huge load is lifted. You are free. You were enslaved to the whims of this person, walking on eggshells, and in their eyes were only an extension of themselves, whose emotions and needs were irrelevant to the only thing that was important to this person: THEMSELVES. The true irony of this situation is that this person's actions and personality was a result of neglecting themselves, and neglecting to help themselves, or introspect, or become aware of their own illusions. It's best for them to get better, but you can only hope. It is important for them to stay away from you, their target of abuse, to become healthy. Maybe they will find a new target. Or maybe they will become healthy. The world will become better by you releasing them from your life. What you allow, will continue. It isn't cruel to protect yourself from a person like this. It's essential. It was cruel for them to subject you to such treatment. It was cruel for them to purposely make others believe that you were the bad person. Taking away their ability to do that to you is the kindest thing you can do. Who cares what others will think of you, especially when their thoughts are connected to illusions too? Keep being you. Keep being kind. Keep being loving. It will be easier without this person in your life. Shine your light on the world, now that there isn't a giant black hole sucking it out of you. You are amazing. You are loved. You are awesome. Go, live the amazing life you were born to live. Be your awesome self. Namaste.
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Infinite Love, -Serendellion
